Harsh Words

Despite my reluctance (and better judgement) I told my sisters about the situation with my roommate. She gave me a pretty harsh lecture. She told me that this could possibly be the worst decision I've ever made and that I'm just repeating old patterns and that I'm gonna get hurt no matter what I say right now. She also claimed that I will stop going out and living my life, ditch all of my friends and become dependent on this man just because he's in my house. I do not see it that way, but since she was the one who got the 3am phone calls after the Kevin debacle, I guess she has the right to be cruel.

Awesome talk!

Baby It's cold outside!

I know that it is suppossed to get warm again this weekend, but I just don't want to get my hopes up. Last night was frigid. So much so that my roommate and I smoked in the house (yuck!). And although we were concientious about it (turning on fans and such), the act does not bode well for the coming winter. I love living in Chicago and wouldn't trade it for anywhere that has no seasons, but I just don't think I'm ready for winter yet. In my dream, Fall goes until December 23rd, Christmas is white and then Spring comes on Feb. 22.

I'll be home for Thanksgiving, which happens to be the same weekend as my 10 year high school reunion. I have very little inclination to go, but I feel guilty about it. Like I'm being a bitch or something. I would much rather go to the after party with the friends I've remained in touch with. That's probably what I'll do. It would take some pretty drastic event (Amey coming home for example) to make me committed to going.

I've booked my ticket to Michigan for Christmas. I will be arriving on Sat. 12/20 and departing the following Sun. 12/28 I will be attending the Prince vs. Michael Jackson spin-off at Northern Lights Sat. 12/27! Anyone interested? Hit me up if you wanna hang out, MI friends. I don't have any plans for NYE yet but I have to work, so no matter what I'll be in Chicago.

Basically, I didn't feel like working so I'm bla bla bla-ing on.

Confessions and Updates

I am a weak woman. I, like Eve, gave into temptation. Not to worry, I am clearly not grown up enough for heterosexual platonic relationships, but I have done the roommate thing before so all cautions apply. Plus, lease is up in 6 months. Don't be too disappointed in me, I have the willpower of a cat in heat (as many of you predicted.)

In other news, I just got back from Lake Tahoe. Second trip to Cali in 2 weeks. Needless to say, I'm jet-lagged and exhausted. I'm really looking forward to actually spending some time in my new hood and apartment (which I am still loving, pics coming soon to those outside Chicago). But then I'm off to Orlando (again, poopy!) on Nov. 5Th.

I wish I was able to get to Michigan before Thanksgiving, but it's not looking very good. That's the only travel I am interested in. I miss Sam, and my sisters and I hope I will have some friends around to play with when I finally do make it back.

Temptation

I moved into my new apartment on Saturday. The move was fine, the apartment looks great, but I have an old problem rearing its ugly head.

I think my roommate is really cute.

For all of you who saw this coming mile away, congratulations, you were right. Now how do I fix it?! He's cool and we have been spending a lot of time together the past 2 weeks (kind of like we’re dating, but not), but I know that has nothing to do with it. I know this is just my own crazy man issues coming to bite me in the ass. It's like I'm staring at a burger, and I just want to uhh eat it, but I know it's gonna make me sick. There are both obvious and less then obvious reasons why this is a terrible idea. In any event, my little experiment is off to a rocky start. I think if I can maintain resolve and resist pretty much every instinct that runs through my head, after a while these dirty bird thoughts will go away. I will grow as a person and be able to have meaningful relationships with men that are not sexual or romantic. That's the theory anyway.

Can someone tell me that I can do it? I am in desperate need of encouragement and support.

A Facebook Dilemna

There's a difference between people you know and people you would consider friends. I seem to have a lot of Facebook (many more then Myspace) friends that I know (or knew as it were), but have not necessarily ever spent time with. These are not people that were close to me at one time and place and we lost touch, I'm meaning people I may have had conversations with but were never actually close too. By adding these people to my social network, I kind of feel like a fraud. I'm not even sure why I accept. It's possibly nostalgia, or mild interest, or the sense of being kind. No one likes rejection, virtual or otherwise, but is that really my problem. I enjoy Myspace and Facebook as a vehicle for keeping in touch with friends and family I don't see as often as I would like. In a way they allow a person to still be part of someones life even if you live in totally different worlds.

The reason I'm bothered this morning is because I had an overwhelming number of notifications that one of my "friends" had become a fan of several strippers, (or at least guys who look like strippers.) I don't judge his predilections, but I find a constant stream of tasteless declarations annoying and I just don't care. It clogs my page so that I miss posts from people I care about and are of interest to me. I guess the bottom line is I find no desire to inflate my friends list with people I barely know and have no real connection. I have never had any interest in popularity contests, so why did I start now.

My true identity

I wear black on the inside. I wish I were a phlebotomist.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/18/fashion/18GOTH.html

my very favorite exerpt:
"I once teased her about her decorative penchant for red velvet chaises, heavy curtains, ball-and-claw side tables, stigmata and other forms of morbid opulence, saying that they didn't necessarily mean she was goth, just Italian. She clocked me pretty hard."